Past tenses actually exist.

So there's this friend of mine who keeps on saying he's afraid of having people see his bad side because they may not like him if they do.

I wanted to shake him to make him wake up to the reality that everyone has a “bad side” and that it’s normal and it’s alright, for Pete’s sake.

Ok. So this guy’s courting my sister and he says he’s afraid that our family might not like him if we know what kind of person he was before. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why he’s so paranoid about having his old bad habits exposed.

But still..

It’s kind of too much to expect a person to be all that clean. I mean, he may seem like the perfect person to us now, but he’s human. Human beings are bound to commit mistakes. That’s a given. And we know that. We live with that fact every single waking moment.

I say, fvck imperfection man. I told him to just be true to himself, and be true to us. Cause even if he was a bad person, we can’t limit him to being a bad person for the rest of his life. We cannot label him as something just because he was that way.

He’ll grow up. He’ll change. He’ll have a choice to either become better or worse.

Thing is people, past tenses actually exist. 

The day I'll turn my back to you..

Just because I'm here for you all the time doesn't mean you can take me for granted.

I actually have a sense of self-worth. If you weren’t such a cold-hearted buffoon, you’d actually know just how you should me right. 

One morning, I swear you’ll wake up and I won’t be here anymore. I won’t reply to your text messages. I won’t be there to call you when you feel down. I won’t be there to listen to your series of rants and cusses and curses and all that epic drama in your life.

You’ll miss me when I’m gone. That you will.

Life is an ECHO.

It gives you back what you give it.

Maybe not now, but it will. I tell you. In time, it will.

Even when you feel like all your hard work’s unappreciated. Even when you feel like you ain’t getting what you deserve. Even when you feel like you’re being treated like shit when all you’ve done is good. Even when you feel like no one understands you, and no one tries to. Even when you feel like all the drama isn’t what you bargained for. Even when you feel like life’s a joke.

Life’ll give you back what you give it. The best things take time.

I just realized, sometimes, all it actually take’s just a little faith.

My thoughts of him at the most random of times..

I'm not exactly sure my this post is about him. I don't exactly want to reminisce about old times. I'm not particularly sentimental at the moment. But I just feel the need to probably let out some steam and say what's on my mind about the relationship most people think I messed up.

We got together on November 23, 2008. We spent a year and 5months together, and for the most part - or at least that's what people saw - we were happy.

He was exactly the kind of guy I could do without. I was the type of girl he didn't wanna get involved with. We held different views. We had conflicting trails of thoughts and principles on life. Our interests couldn't have been more different, and we always seemed to clash and end up arguing about the stuff we discussed about.

The relationship wasn't one I envisioned. It was actually more than I bargained for. It was full of white lies, hurt, disappointments, sacrifices and quite physical. There were times we were happy. There were times we were so problematic about things in our relationship we shouldn't have been worrying about because I sorta ran away from home before and to live in his hometown, and he did the same a few months after to live here. But that was all crap cause we were both young and we weren't even married. The months stretched on and my patience for him grew thin, my love hung by a thread.

Yes, this guy really loved me. Yet I cannot help but think that there is more to a relationship than the thought of being in love. Trust, loyalty, contentment and most especially respect - these stuff count too, don't they?

That's where the relationship got really messed up. When he started invading my private space and acted as if he could rule my life, and I for some time, I actually let him.

I lost myself. I looked into the mirror and couldn't see the person I was before. I couldn't make up my own mind. I always had to ask him first. I always had to be the one to understand. I always had to be the one to find a way to make the relationship work. I accepted all the curses he yelled at me. I took care of him when he needed me - every time he needed. I forgave. I loved him.

But I got tired of all that crap. All the hurt and disappointment made the love grow weak. I couldn't take all the verbal and physical abuse, so through the help of some friends, I left him.

He came over to my house, knelt, cried, but I just didn't feel a thing anymore. I just felt numb. I wanted to forgive him again, but I knew that if I did, he wouldn't really change. He would for some time, but then revert back to his old self. I was real tired of that.

I still miss him at times though. Especially when I hear our songs and remember how he used to sing to me and sometimes sing me to sleep.. how he would brush my hair with his fingertips.. how he would look at me straight into my eyes and say "I love you."

All that's in the past now. I've got my memories. I've learned my lessons. And I'll continue to live with all the things in the past to serve as reminders, and with all the people with me at present to back me up.

Back Reading My Own Posts : The art of DELETING.

I looked up the blogs I made before, and phew! I couldn't help but curl up into a teeny ball of embarrassment. Sometimes, I fail to accept how simple-minded and feeble I was with words and thoughts before. Some posts I find funny, some really really corny, and some just bring back a flood of memories I actually forgot about 'til now.

Anyway, I deleted most of my posts before. And since it's actually been some time since I wrote in this personal blog of mine, I feel like I've got a lot of catching up to do. I mean, the things that've happened in the past year are stuff that I wish I could have a written account of in the future. It's sort of like a legacy of sorts. It's something I can read after so many years, and then I can look back and decide for myself whether or not I actually really lived.

I'm done deleting old posts here. Sooner or later, I'll stumble into Blogspot again since I might find Tumblr too tiring to keep on blogging on. I'm not particularly good at one-liners. ;)

But yeah, I'll start posting more sensible stuff now (I hope). And then maybe I won't feel the need to delete anything at all in the near future.

My future is YOU ♥

“My past isn’t just one question. It’s a million questions unanswered. My present is here & now. & my future.. Do you know what my future is? My future is YOU.”

- I was watching Disney when I heard this. It’s a line from Aladdin. A bit edited, but the thought’s the same. I just found it sweet :)

NOSTALGIA. memories of sadder days :[

I'm feeling a tad sentimental today. Ugh. :[
I sooo miss the people who used to make my day.
I read this quote kasi, it was posted a while ago.. it read:

Old habits die when you've got a sentimental heart.

I guess I just started reminiscing about old times.. Times I wish I could relive again and do the things i loved to do.. Times when things were sooo much easier, and life seemed to simply fall into place. :|
♥ i miss my room. :'c
♥ i miss waking up next to my sister and crying coz she was the first one to wake up and it meant that i wasn't the 'winner' :] hihi. silly, i know.
♥ i miss the late-night hugs my mom used to give me when i was li'l and the talks we had as i grew older. :'(
♥ i miss the time my dad got me inside his suitcase coz i was buggering him to take me along with him out to sea. :'(
♥ i miss the laughs i shared with my favorite cousin who, despite the years, hasn't grown off his baby fat. :] yeah. i love to tease him, and he teases me. and i just miss the way he puts a smile on my face just when im getting too pessimistic.
♥ i miss shivering coz of the early morning baths i had to take [which i hated by the way. lol] coz classes were so early.
♥ i miss running under the rain all the way to the highway from school simply for the sheer fun of it! :]
♥ i miss staying out way too late with my buddies, and sneaking home afterward with my heart beating at a hundred per sec. lol
♥ i miss sitting on our stores window, staring out at all the people who pass by..
♥ i miss the familiarity which our home held.
♥ i miss the time i hovered as my mommy cooked just so that i'd get porkchop for lunch. :) hihi.
♥ i miss hearing my mom's loud voice booming all over the house, complaining of how lazy we all were.
♥ i miss the talks i used to share with my bessie. the comfort of knowing she was always there..
♥ i miss the treats i used to get from my cousin, and the times when i think i ate too much, but he ate so much more. :] lol
♥ i miss my sisters.. the days i wish i had spent with them, but i hadn't.
♥ i miss the dictionary games i had with my uncle who's too far away for me to bugger now.. :|
♥ i miss looking at myself in the mirror and complaining coz i was either too skinny, or too small, or too ugly, or too dark..
♥ i miss hugging my teddy tight when no one was watching, and just cry at the false show of confidence i always showed.
♥ i miss the friendship i built.. but i miss the people even more. :|
♥ i miss the laughing so hard i ended up in tears. :')
and
♥ i miss the family i once had, yet i know will never have as a whole again.. :[